Communication - The Power of Words

By Gail Solish, Personal/Executive Coach

Communication is defined as the “imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.” It is a vital aspect of how we function in the world. How we speak to one another is the basis of human interaction. We need to be able to talk with all kinds of people and be aware of how we are saying things as well as the other person’s response. The ability to communicate effectively is a core skill required of people who want to become an executive and a leader.

At times when we are speaking to someone it is assumed that we all have the same understanding of the topic being discussed. It is interesting to note that at times there is just a simple misunderstanding of what is being said. Perhaps they didn’t hear what we said or there is a different interpretation of a word.

All of us experience everyday frustrations at home, work or in our daily interactions and at times we might take it out on someone by the way we speak to them. Your kids may have been moving slowly in the morning which meant that you might be late for work. You haven’t had your morning coffee and you need to get your engine going. You “bark” at the coffee server because they asked you to repeat your order. Afterwards you acknowledge to yourself that you were quite rude.

This is a minor example. However there might be someone you work with you, with whom you are having difficulty communicating. What do they say or do which bothers you? Are you truly listening to what they say or do you assume you know exactly what they’ll say. What specifically about their communication style do you find yourself reacting too?

Bill was a manager in charge of 16 employees. On a weekly basis he would hold two team meetings to discuss the projects with which they were involved. Over time he noticed that one team meeting ran smoothly. People communicated clearly, were respectful to one another and were collaborative in their approach.

The second team meeting was more challenging. People seemed to talk to at cross purposes and were dismissive in their conversations. Bill came away from these meetings feeling drained and unmotivated. He knew that something needed to change but first he needed to understand what contributed to the different outcome. He began to pay attention to what people were saying and how they were saying it. He noticed the words they used, the tone of their voice and their body language.

He discovered they used a lot of judgment and criticism in their conversation. Statements like “whose fault is this?” What did you do? (implying they did something wrong). He also noticed that people tried to convince others that their way was the “right” way to do a task. Sarcasm and putdowns occurred frequently and people were reactive and inflexible. Is there any wonder Bill left the meeting feeling exhausted?
He decided he needed to model a different communication style. He started by acknowledging people and what they had been working on and accomplished. He noticed that people really liked to be acknowledged. It changed their mindset and at times even their posture. He also began using phrases like “What can we learn from this?” “What do we want to accomplish?” and “What’s useful about this?” This created an environment of collaboration versus one of blame.

Observe the people with whom you communicate well. What is it about them that makes it easy for you. Do they use the same language you do? Do they seem to have similar beliefs or personality style? What are the commonalities?

Now pay attention to those with whom you have difficulty. Are your communication styles different? Are you judging their style as being “wrong” and yours as being “right?” What could you change about your approach?

Remember as a leader and an executive you have to be able to work with all different kinds of people. They will not all be just like you. A good communicator is able to adapt his/her style to others.

Copyright © 2007 by Gail Solish.  All rights reserved.

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About the Author

Gail Solish, MSW, RSW provides Executive/Personal coaching to managers, directors and executives focused on workplace development and relationship management. Claim your FR-EE e-course “Unleash Your Potential and Increase Productivity and Fulfillment” at http://www.ActualizeYourGoals.com or contact Gail at 416-322-0029.