Assumptions and Acknowledgements - The Opposing Sides of Effective Communication

By Gail Solish, Personal/Executive Coach

Communication is the heart of relationships.  Unless you’re a hermit, most people want to have great relationships in both their business and personal life. Assumptions and acknowledgements are opposing aspects of powerful communication.  Assumptions lead to dysfunction and acknowledgments create positive interactions.

Assumptions are those things “accepted as true without proof.”  Often what you think about a situation may not be based on fact but rather your assumptions.  This then leads down a path where your actions can create difficulties for you.   For example: Joyce arrived at work early in order to put the final touches on a presentation.  Although she knew her material well, she was still quite nervous.  During the presentation her direct manager answered his blackberry several times, someone else kept yawning and a third person was doodling.  She assumed that this meant what she was saying was not on target and wasn’t addressing what they wanted.  As a result she became flustered and flubbed her presentation.   What she didn’t know was that her manager had a sick child at home and was receiving updates from the caretaker.  The “yawner” hadn’t slept well the previous night and the “doodler” always doodled as it helped to keep him focused.  Joyce’s assumptions interfered with her delivering the information in the way she wanted. 

Couples often assign different meanings to the same situation which can then lead to misunderstandings.  Martha believes her husband Max doesn’t care about her when he doesn’t hug her immediately when he walks in the house.  When Max has had a difficult day at work he requires 15-20 minutes to calm himself down before he interacts with Martha.  He feels he is protecting his wife from his “bad” mood.  Their beliefs about the situation have very different meanings and you can see how easily this situation could escalate into an argument if they don’t talk about their individual perspectives.

Acknowledgement is a “validation, an expression of thanks or a token of appreciation.”  It is one of the most powerful tools in building positive relationships and often the most neglected.  As human beings we sometimes have a tendency to focus on what’s not working, our complaints.  When you think about how your day has gone, do you have trouble remembering the things that went well and focus on what went wrong? 

Now is the time to change this tendency and begin to use the skill of acknowledgment.  First you must pay attention to yourself and appreciate what has gone well for you on a daily basis.  People often use a notebook to record their daily gratitudes. 

It is equally important to acknowledge others. The pace of daily life is very hectic and you might not take the “time” to express your appreciation.   When you take people for granted and don’t thank them or acknowledge their effort and accomplishments, it tends to wear the relationship down.  Acknowledgements can be as simple as saying “thank you” or checking out if now is a good time to have a conversation.

When you minimize your assumptions and increase your appreciations you are on your way to creating and sustaining remarkable relationships.

Copyright © 2007 by Gail Solish.  All rights reserved.

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About the Author

Gail Solish, MSW, RSW provides Executive/Personal coaching to managers, directors and executives focused on workplace development and relationship management. Claim your FR-EE e-course “Unleash Your Potential and Increase Productivity and Fulfillment” at http://www.ActualizeYourGoals.com or contact Gail at 416-322-0029.