3 Steps to Compelling Communication

By Gail Solish, Personal/Executive Coach

Communication is the tool whereby we interact with others.  It is vital in the development and success of business and personal relationships.  Even Helen Keller who was blind, deaf and mute needed to learn ways to communicate. Since we live in a very busy world, it is important to develop effective ways to interact with others. 

The 3 key steps to compelling communication are Listening, Awareness and Questions.

Listening

Sometimes silence is the most effective listening tool available.  Have you ever noticed people who frequently interrupt conversations in order to make their point?   What is the message to the person who was talking?   Other times people rush to speak as a way of showing they understand or perhaps they have a solution to offer.  To really listen means to give someone your complete time and attention without judgment or assumptions.

Awareness

In order to be truly aware, you need to recognize what you are saying and doing, as well as noticing other people’s actions and reactions.  Generally in the work world as we move our way up the ladder of responsibility, we have managers and bosses who guide us and give us constructive criticism.  However, when you dislike a job or some aspect of the job you need to be aware of how your dislike might be coming across.  How do you deal with a colleague or boss with whom you are having problems?  What is your response?  When you are aware of your thoughts and feelings about a challenging situation you are better able to manage and plan your actions. 

It is equally important to be aware of how others may be feeling or behaving. If you are interacting with people directly you may notice their body language or tone of voice. In today’s world this can sometimes be challenging if you are primarily communicating with people on the computer or phone.  It would be great if people could be direct and let you know when they are bothered by something and approach the situation from a collaborative perspective.

Questions

Asking people questions instead of making assumptions is a useful way of gathering information.  However the kind of questions you ask and your tone of voice is key.  Questions which are critical and judgmental disrupt communication, whereas questions which come from a place of curiosity and inquiry invite meaningful conversations. 

According to the “Inquiry Institute” there are 2 main types of questions, “judging or learning.”  Questions which have an accusatory tone such as “who’s at fault, why are they so irritating or why can’t I do anything right,” generally contribute to people being stuck.  Questions which invite possibilities like “What can I learn from this, what are the options and how can we do it differently the next time,” tend to produce a more positive outcome.  Which kind of questions would you respond to more favorably?

To move your conversations forward in the direct you want them to be going, remember to really listen to what people are saying, be aware of yourself and others and ask questions which invite collaboration.

Copyright 2008, Gail Solish. All rights reserved. WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Gail Solish - Communication and Relationship Coach publishes a monthly ezine  “Actualize Your Goals.” Please notify me where the material will appear.